Messiah Simplex

Monday, January 07, 2008

DECISION 2008…..Your Vote Matters!

Of course, I’m kidding. Your vote doesn’t really matter. Ask Al Gore. But we Americans do love to feel like we’re a part of things, so every four years many Americans pretend they don’t know about the Electoral College. It’s cute, really. You are pretending, right?

(If you just opened another tab and Googled “electoral college”, please never read my blog or anything else again. And please, for the love of Christ, don’t reproduce. And if you have already reproduced, please drown your spawn immediately).

Where were we? Ah yes, the presidential race. I love the process. Love to watch the people get all worked up over supporting their candidates…bumper stickers, yard signs, buttons, endless absurd conversations and heated debates between people about whom the candidates don’t give the first shit. And, most importantly, between people who have absolutely no decision making power in the election of the President. Let’s say you are a huge supporter of Ron Paul (why? I don’t know….maybe you’re borderline retarded). And let’s say you vomit your prepared Ron Paul sales pitch all over my shirt. Then, let’s say I have hit my head several times and decide to also be a Ron Paul supporter. Then I start running around vomiting on people’s shirts. What has been accomplished? Not a goddamned thing. It’s all nothing but balderdash. We have both wasted our energy (Al Gore hates it when you waste energy).

But still, this time around is a lot of fun to watch. It’s always a gas to listen to wealthy liberal candidates pandering to the “common people”, pushing all the right buttons with their populist rhetoric. Even more fun to watch people eat it up and believe that the rich attorney “really does care about me”. It’s the same every time, with the same result. Lather, rinse, repeat.

Watching the Republicans who are vying for the White House is never as fun for me because very rarely does one of them have a pulse. The right also employs the same tactics every time, and the Limbaugh listeners throw their support behind whichever detached Jesus Freak seems most likely to keep Mexicans and black folks out of their yards. But the Republicans lack passion. Always have. Not nearly as entertaining as the Democrats. Hearing one conservative Godsucker criticize another conservative Godsucker for being a member of a religion in which Jesus and Satan are brothers makes me want to scratch out my own eyes with a pencil, eat them, pass them through my colon, and smear the waste in the hair of said conservatives.

That was a bit much.

But this time around, even the Democrats bore me. Not coming close to the hype.

“We’re making history!”

“We could get our first woman President!” Who? Is there a woman running? Maybe Edwards has a vagina…

“We could get our first black president!” Obama? Seriously? He’s about as black as Wayne Brady. Or Greg Brady. He’s that “safe” kind of black, the kind that liberal white apologists love because it makes them feel open minded. Like Wayne Brady. White women love Wayne Brady. Why? Because he’s a safe black guy. He seems nice. He seem, well….white. The same is true of Obama. He could have been the light-skinned Huxtable kid, for Christ’s sake. When Jesse Jackson, an actual black guy, ran for the presidency, he had virtually no support, even from guilty white liberals. Why? Too black. He talked about…um…black things. He sounded black. Too black, even for white people trying to be open minded.

Gore is too busy to run again. He’s still in Florida, counting them just this one last time…

Really, no one else is viable, so I shan’t even type their names. Hey Libertarians, give it up. It’s NEVER going to happen. Move to fucking Canada. And take Alec Baldwin with you. I thought he swore to leave the United States if Bush was re-elected.

So what’s the point of all of this? I’m not sure, but soon the new season of American Idol will begin. Finally, someplace my vote really does count.

Gull

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Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Goodbye, My Friend

For anyone who came from the Milwaukee Comedy Scene in the last decade, more likely than not Tony Miller was a big part of your formation as a comic. For years, Tony ran the comedy showcase/open mic at The Safe House in downtown Milwaukee, and then moved his show to the Broadway Theatre Center in Milwaukee. At both of these venues, Tony consistently produced an incredibly high quality show while still giving new comics much needed stage time. His shows featured seasoned professional comics along with fledglings and served as an atmosphere for growth and friendship.

It was so much more than just a comedy showcase. It was a comedy dojo, where comics serious about becoming better could work out alongside black belt comics and learn from them. Tony built a sense of community and camaraderie among the comics involved in the Milwaukee Comedy Scene.

In 2001 I decided that I wanted to do stand up comedy. I was working as the door guy at the Safe House and would go in the back room every Thursday night to watch Tony's show. When I finally worked up the courage to give it a try, I went on stage, last in the lineup, with a half dozen Jack Daniel's on the rocks in my gut. Of course, I sucked. Week after week, Tony gave me stage time and encouragement. Week after week, I got drunk before going up to do my 3 minutes. Week after week, I sucked. Until one Thursday night in April, when 3 comics Tony was counting on didn't show up. As the second comic of the night was on stage, Tony walked up to me and said "You're next. Think you can handle it?" I told him that under no circumstances was I able to handle going third in the lineup (I was stone cold sober). He told me that I was wrong and that I could absolutely handle it.

Tony forced me to go on sober and for the first time, I got laughs. Lots of them. I did more than 10 minutes and killed. The loudest laughs came from Tony. After that night, he started putting me up in one of the prime spots, right before Brian Green, and every week, I could hear his unmistakable, goofy laugh. Some nights, that's all that kept me going. Both Tony and Brian took me under their wings, mentoring me and helping me form myself into a real comic. And both became very good friends of mine in the process.

For Christmas, 2003 I bought a new microphone for Tony's show at the Safe House. The old one was beat up and didn't work well at all anymore. I took possession of the old one as a keepsake. I'll always treasure the microphone that Tony used to help launch so many comics, the mic I used on the first night I got laughs.

I worked the road with Tony Miller a few times and to watch him headline and take control of a stage was a beautiful sight. His comedic skills easily rivaled his generosity and kindness to new comics and friends. He was an established headliner on the road and well respected among his peers.

As some of you know, Tony Miller had been battling stomach cancer for a couple of years and was, as in all other areas of his life, fighting like the bad-ass that he was.

This morning, at 6:40 am, Tony Miller passed away, finally letting go of this world and going home. I hope he realized the breadth of his legacy among Milwaukee comics.

Thank you for everything, Tony. I'll miss you, my friend.

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Thursday, May 31, 2007

FREE MICHAEL MCGEE!!!

I'm completely outraged by the arrest of Milwaukee Alderman Michael McGee, Jr. This is just another example of the racist machine that exists here in Milwaukee and their fear of a powerful man of color. Alderman McGee has done nothing but good for the 6th District, serving only the interests of his constituency.

The Milwaukee Police Department and the Feds have been gunning for McGee since he entered public life. Before that, they targeted his father, who also served selflessly as Alderman of the same district. The behavior of the racist Milwaukee media during this past week in dealing with McGee's arrest has been deplorable. The TV news and radio programs and newspapers who have decided to make this a major news story should be ashamed of themselves.

It has been pointed out by prominant local media types that when white local political types have gotten into legal trouble, they weren't paraded around in handcuffs and humiliated in public. Alderman McGee is being treated unfairly because he's black AND because he's a strong black man who is the son of a strong black man. McGee is now being mocked by racist white people while he goes through this public humiliation at the hands of the racist justice system. He's also being mocked and criticized for calling in to a local urban morning radio show and singing, as well as being accused of trying to get his supporters to contribute to his legal expenses.

I'm sickened by this treatment of a good man who only wants to serve his city.














Ouch. My cheek hurts from having my tongue so firmly planted in it.

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Friday, May 11, 2007

BUSH HAS LOWEST APPROVAL RATING IN HISTORY

Hey, the left loves to talk ad nauseam about Bush's low approval rating whenever they get the chance. "Bush has the lowest approval rating of any president in history" is a favorite mantra of theirs. Here's a fact: It's simply not true. Not even close.

The president who received the lowest approval rating in history was Harry Truman, who got down to 23%. Maybe GW Bush has the second lowest in history........NOPE. That honor goes to Richard Nixon, with 24%. How about the third lowest? Jimmy Carter, with 28%. If and when this Republican president sinks to 22%, then and only then can the spin happy, fact bending liberals talk about Bush having the lowest AR in history. Until that day comes, everyone with the ability to read would really appreciate an end to the lies.

Well, just because Bush doesn't have the all time lowest approval rating in history, doesn't mean that his rating doesn't suck........

That's true, and surely, George W Bush isn't the owner of the record for history's highest approval rating. Oh, wait........YES HE IS. In late 2001, he received the highest approval rating ever for a president: 90%. No doubt I will now be answered by huffing and puffing libs who will say that THAT number is meaningless. Save your breath. You'll need it for your clever chants about the war. If the LOW approval ratings he gets are important, then so are the HIGH ratings. Can't have it both ways, that's just not how it....oh, wait.....forgot who I was addressing.

Here's another insight into approval ratings: The aforementioned Harry Truman, who received the lowest approval rating ever (23), was also the recipient of the third highes ever, with a rating of 87% at one point in his presidency. Guess who got the second highest approval rating in history............The elder Bush, during the Gulf War (89%). Man, those pesky numbers........

All that having been said, I now ask you, the insightful reader, to take a look at this story from the USA Today website just today. Nancy Pelosi's Democratic Congress and Whining Factory is in posession of an identical approval rating as Bush right now. And here's the best part: They blame it on Bush. I love the way you guys play. Maybe Bush can somehow be blamed for the Lindberg baby thing.

So, tell me......are the numbers important, or not?



CONGRESS, BUSH SHARE LOW APPROVAL
By Alan Fram, Associated Press
WASHINGTON — People think the Democratic-led Congress is doing just as dreary a job as President Bush, following four months of bitter political standoffs that have seen little progress on Iraq and a host of domestic issues.

An AP-Ipsos poll also found that House Speaker Nancy Pelosi is a more popular figure than the president and her colleagues on Capitol Hill, though she faces a gender gap in which significantly more women than men support her.

The survey found only 35% approve of how Congress is handling its job, down 5 percentage points in a month. That gives lawmakers the same bleak approval rating as Bush, who has been mired at about that level since last fall, including his dip to a record low for the AP-Ipsos poll of 32% last January.

"It's mostly Iraq" plus a lack of progress in other areas, said Rep. Tom Cole, R-Okla., who heads the House GOP's campaign committee. "These are not good numbers for an incumbent, and it doesn't matter if you have an 'R' or a 'D' next to your name."

Democrats agree that the problem is largely Iraq, which has dominated this year's session of Congress while producing little more than this month's Bush veto of a bill requiring the withdrawal of U.S. troops. It has also overshadowed House-passed bills on stem cell research, student loans and other subjects that the White House opposes, they say.

"People are unhappy, there hasn't been a lot of change in direction, for example in Iraq," said Rep. Chris Van Hollen, D-Md., chairman of House Democrats' campaign effort.

Rising gasoline prices could also be a factor, lawmakers said.

In another measure of popular discontent, the survey found that 71% say the country is on the wrong track — about even with the 73% who said so last May, the worst level since the AP-Ipsos poll began in December 2003.

The survey was taken Monday through Wednesday, before Bush offered to seek compromise with congressional Democrats over a war spending bill setting benchmarks for progress in Iraq.

Bush told reporters Thursday that if pollsters had asked his opinion about Iraq last fall, "I'd have said I disapprove of what was going on in Iraq. They could have put me down as part of the disapproval process."

That was before his decision to send nearly 30,000 additional troops to Iraq, which "would more likely cause me to approve of what's going on in Iraq," he added.

Overall approval of Bush was steady from last month, but fell to 69% among Republicans, about 7 percentage points below where it had been in April. Earlier this week, a group of GOP moderate House members warned Bush that the status quo in Iraq could mean Republican election losses next year.

"If the war doesn't begin to turn around, Republicans will have problems," said Rep. Peter King, R-N.Y., who said he supports Bush's Iraq policy.

White House spokesman Tony Snow declined to comment on the poll.

Congress' approval rating this week was 10 points higher than a year ago, when Republicans were in control.

But after bumping up in April, this month's drop left lawmakers' job approval where it was when the year began. April saw Congress defy Bush and send him a bill financing the war and requiring a troop withdrawal, which he vetoed May 1.

"People wanted change in Washington" on many issues, not just Iraq, said Rep. Rahm Emanuel, D-Ill., a member of the House Democratic leadership. "I'm not surprised about where people are. They're hearing only about Iraq."

Congress' reduced appeal was evident in several categories of people. Only 48% of Democrats said they approved of Congress, down from 55% last month. That included a 12 percentage point drop among Democratic women, though support from Democratic men remained steady.

Approval by minorities also fell a dozen points to 39%, with a similar reduction among people whose family incomes exceed $75,000.

By region, the steepest drop was in the Midwest, where approval fell by 10 percentage points to 28%. Congress' highest approval was in the Northeast, where four in ten gave it a positive rating.

As for Pelosi, D-Calif., her overall approval of 45% stood 10 points higher than Bush's and Congress'.

She was seen favorably by 52% of women, but only 39% of men. While whites are closely split about her, minorities approve of her job by a 15-point margin.

Pelosi's numbers are about where she was last month but slightly lower than in January. In the last month, she has lost significant support from younger voters, college-educated women and Westerners.

"Voters are frustrated by the fact that the president refuses to change direction on Iraq," said Pelosi spokesman Brendan Daly.

Bush's approval ratings are lowest for his handling of Iraq and domestic issues including health care, with about one-third seeing him favorably. About four in 10 like the job he is doing on the economy and foreign policy.

Men give the president higher grades than women do, whites higher than minorities, and married people higher than singles.

The AP-Ipsos survey involved telephone interviews with 1,000 adults. It has a margin of sampling error of plus or minus 3 percentage points.
Copyright 2007 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.

I LOVE THAT THEY EVEN TRY TO BLAME BUSH FOR THEIR OWN LOW APPROVAL RATING. BEAUTIFUL.

XOXO,

GULL

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Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Gun control laws save 32 on Virginia Tech Campus

The state of Virginia is a concealed carry state. Anyone passing a background check over the age of 18 can legally carry a loaded handgun. But Virginia Tech, the scene of what may be the worst mass shooting in our nation's history, is a "gun-free zone". This means that even if a student or faculty member can legally carry in the state of Virginia, they may not carry a concealed handgun on campus.

So what happened yesterday was that a bunch of law-abiding students and faculty members went to school, like any other day, and because they were law-abiding citizens, they did not carry handguns on campus.

However, one guy DID bring guns to the Virginia Tech campus yesterday. And he ended 32 lives before ending his own. He ended 32 innocent lives because the others on campus were playing by the rules and not carrying guns on a campus in a state where they legally may carry guns.

In January of 2006 an attempt was made to change the rule at Virginia Tech and allow students and faculty to carry on campus, but it died in the General Assembly. And in that moment, the fates of 32 innocents were sealed. Of course, no one can say for certain that if concealed carry had been allowed on the campus of Virginia Tech, that no one would have been killed yesterday during the attack. But we can say that perhaps someone would have been in a position to stop the shooter. If a student or faculty member had been carrying their legal firearm yesterday, and had been in the vacinity, the rampage could have been stopped. Would they have taken down the shooter after his first victim, or his 5th? No one knows. All we know is that no one got the chance to defend themselves and 32 people who obeyed the law are dead at the hands of one young man who ignored the law.

Yeah, those gun control laws are really protecting people. Let's pass some more.

Here's the problem with the unconstitutional gun laws that the more....shall we say....left leaning folks support.

CRIMINALS DON'T OBSERVE THE LAW. THAT'S THAT MAKES THEM FUCKING CRIMINALS. Laws against concealed carry do nothing more than ensure that when the shit goes down, as it did on the Virginia Tech campus.....no one will be able to defend themselves.

Gull

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